Wrong Month, Wrong Choices

When I decided to do 30 days of writing, I should have thought more carefully about what month it is. For one thing, I have been woefully absent from the blog, something I humbly apologize for. I usually try to keep this blog about writing, but I feel the need to provide explanations for my absence (not excuses, just explanations).

Prior to the 5th, my wife and I were preparing and packing because we were taking our two boys out to Kansas. My parents met us there and took custody of said children, and they will be gone until the 18th. For two people whose lives revolve around their kids, this amounts to tragedy at its finest. My wife and I have been stumbling around, going through the motions of things, but we really haven't been coping very well. Suffice it to say we miss our boys terribly. We do get the chance to talk to them on the phone, but it's just weird for us. This is one of those life-changing events that reminds us of the impending disaster. Eventually our sons will leave our home permanently, something we haven't really prepared ourselves for. Yes, we know it's coming but we wish it wouldn't, even if we know that its normal and the expected path of these things.

I've also had my head buried in studies as I prepare for an extremely difficult test. It's on computer security, and I just want to get it over with. Thankfully, that will be done on Friday. But the stress within me is at an all time high, since I always stress before these tests. Last night however, I decided to take one night off and I read a book for a while. Perhaps I should have taken the opportunity to write, but my muse is so frazzled at the moment, I don't know how much coherent thought I could manage.

Lastly, my wife is dealing with a great number of life-changing events at the moment and requires a great deal of support from me. I'm not complaining; I love her with every fiber of my being, and this is what I am here for. It's just really tough for her. While I won't go into all the details, suffice it to say that she is dealing with health issues, the passing of her grandmother (with possibly her grandfather not too far down the road as well), our financial issues, her kids being away temporarily, and other huge things bearing down upon her. The fact that she is still able to get up and make her way through the day is amazing, because this has definitely been a tough year or so. Taking time away from her so that I can write has been too much to ask, so unfortunately my writing has suffered.

I'm aware that I haven't kept to my goals this month, but I'm okay with that. I do plan on trying to get back on track, find some balance somewhere in all of this so I can use my writing as a buffer. I need it, to give me a moment of solace from all the other crap I'm dealing with these days. I am not going to make any promises to myself (or you, my faithful followers), but I am going to try to write a bit more often. I only have one more test after this and a large paper to write, and then school will be finally over. I cannot tell you how much weight that will lift off me. Our financial problems will be resolved fairly soon, so that will help too. Then maybe I'll be able to have my muse sit beside me, watching as I build worlds for him to romp through.

I've heard it said that good habits are really hard to start, just as bad habits are hard to break. I truly believe this, since I'm smack dab in the middle of this very thing.