A to Z Challenge 2013

Saturday, June 5, 2010

Promised Post - Answers To The Lies

If you haven't read yesterday's post, you should probably go there first. Otherwise, this is a spoiler and you'll miss out on all the fun. For those who read through yesterday's post, here is the list of questions and whether they were true or a lie.

1. While I was in Basic Training for the U.S. Army, I received an Article 15 (a form of discipline) for conspiracy to sell photographs from a Polaroid instant camera.

This is actually the truth. My bunkmate suckered me (and two others) into this, and we made a tidy profit for a while. We were taking pictures of our fellow soldiers and selling the pics to them for a buck a piece. Memoral Day came and we were out of film. Rather than wait the one day until the PX (military version of a store) was open, we decided to go to the main PX on base, which we were forbidden to do. Two of us were lookouts while the other two bought the film. You can guess who got caught by his own drill sgt - yep, me and one other person. Luckily for us, he talked to the Captain and convinced him that we were two otherwise decent soldiers who had just made a stupid mistake. Our punishment was fairly minimal, which was good since it could have been really bad.

2. Ten of the most prominent DC and Marvel comic book characters are emblazoned across my chest in the form of tattoos, including Superman, the Hulk, and Wonder Woman.

This is a lie. There is truth in it though; I actually do have a tattoo on my chest of Superman and The Incredible Hulk - they are the favorite comic book characters of my two sons.

3. During my adult life, I've worked in a multitude of occupations. The jobs have included an amateur race car driver, a professional bowler, a prominent musician, and even a costumed mascot.

While it would be great to have experienced all these things, this is a lie. All these professions were very liberally taken from various video games I've played.

4. The first girl I kissed set up a menage a trois for me with her best friend, in her bedroom, while her father sat in the next room watching television.

This one is interesting, and almost true. At the time, I had no idea this was really what this paticular girl wanted but looking back on the memory, I have since realized that she really did want something like this between the three of us. I was 16 and fairly naive. Alas, I missed out. Probably for the best though lol.

5. I am well-trained in nine martial art forms, including Wu Shu, Ninjitsu, Kempo, Aikido, and Jeet Kune Do. I've been a practicing martical artist since I was six.

While I did formally train in Karate starting at the age of 9, I have only minimal knowledge of the rest of these martial art forms.

6. My favorite snack is chocolate donuts and pickles. At the same time. I've been known to make a midnight trip to 7-11 when the craving strikes.

This is actually a craving my wife had while pregnant with our oldest son. I did have to make the midnight trips to go get her this weird combination though. I got to know the convenience store clerk on that shift fairly well lol.

7. I once totalled a 1991 Geo Metro by jumping a 3 foot high median. Once my tires touched the pavement, I found myself facing oncoming traffic during rush hour. I scraped along the driver side of another compact car, played a quick game of chicken with the Maverick behind them, and finally slammed head on into a pickup truck. The front end of my car crumpled like a tin can and broke both my legs.

There is a bit of truth in this story. I actually did have the Geo Metro and it did get totalled. I was not the one who jumped the median though. A lady in a 73 Maverick was the culprit. She was a drunk driver (a 4 time loser), chasing her ex-husband from bar to bar. She jumped the median, slid along the driver side of my Geo (totalling it), played drunken chicken with the person behind me, and slammed into the truck behind that. She was so drunk, she didn't even feel it when both her legs were snapped in two by the dashboard. I'd like to say she got what she deserved when the case went to court, but that would be a fairy tale. She got away with no charges filed and a waived fine. I'm not kidding. My mom and my wife had to drag me out of the courtroom so I wouldn't call the judge a few choice names.

I hope everyone had as much fun guessing with these as I did writing them. This was really fun. Thanks a bunch Michelle and Brian. You brought a big smile to my face and hopefully to a few others.


Michelle H. said...

Great things to find out about you! I was so iffy with the martial arts and the army photographs, figuring those couldn't be true.

Matt Conlon said...

Haha nice! I SO want a tattoo, and as soon as I can set aside some cash for it, I'm definitely going for it. Dunno what it'll be... I did toy with the idea of superman's logo on my chest, but I'm not in the right shape for that... (what, round IS a shape!) ;)

Well done sir!