Okay, I usually keep this blog about writing, but today I have a need to vent. The topic is the movie Xmen Origins: Wolverine. I had been anticipating this movie so much, because (in my fairly informed opinion) they did a decent enough job on all the rest of the Xmen movies. The story behind this origin is so compelling, I figured telling it on the big screen would be awesome. If you are in any way a fan of the previous movies or knowledgeable about the comic books at all, DO NOT GO SEE THIS MOVIE! Yes, the caps are a bit overdone, but this is about as emphatic as I can get. This is your one and only spoiler alert. Don't read on if you still want to see it. I have an extreme need to vent, so its not going to be pretty.
Okay, lets start with the idea that Wolverine and Sabertooth are related. Yes, this idea has been hinted at in the comic books throughout their history. It has never been put right out in the open though that they were brothers. The whole mystique of the idea is what kept people coming back to find out. It would have been nice had they kept the same concept during the film. You know, make people wonder a bit why these two are always around each other. No, they waste no time exposing that mystery in about two minutes flat. The cliffhanger just became a speedbump.
How about Wolverine's claws? It was stated quite emphatically in the series of previous movies that Logan got them during the adamantium replacement process. Lets not even bring up the comic books in this one. So if thats true (according to previously made films), why would you give him "bone claws" when he's a child? And how is it nobody in the 1800's is at all freaked out by a kid who exudes bone claws out of his fists, especially since 10 minutes ago he was sick in bed and unable to stand? As for his adamantium skeletal structure, its fairly well known (both in the comics and in previous movies) that they completely replaced his skeletal structure with adamantium, not "covered his existing bones in it". Interesting that the replacement process takes only 10 minutes too, in a laboratory thats about as grim as Barney the dinosaur's playground.
Okay, somehow I'll look past this stuff concerning the clawed beastie. Lets take a look at some of the other problems. Wolverine's girlfriend is a mutant who can influence people's thoughts by touching them (only he doesn't know it somehow). Stryker (you remember him, the guy who made Wolverine into the adamantium titan he is) has kidnapped this girl's mutant sister and is forcing her to lie to Wolverine, trick him into coming back to work for him. And why didn't the girl at some point just make Stryker do what she wants, if she's that powerful? Like maybe release her sister and never bother them again? Lets not mention that in the previous Xmen movies, Stryker was a short overweight guy and here he's well over 6'. Did he lose his height and add it to his mid section?
How about Cyclops? You remember him from the Xmen series of movies? Well, we get to see Cyclops attending public school with red shades on. The teacher asks him to take them off and he refuses, so she sends him to detention. How many times could this kid possibly say no before some teacher rips the shades off his head, causing him to destroy half the school thanks to his powers? At a later time in the movie, they show Cyclops and Gambit (another superhero) side by side. Only one problem. Cyclops and Gambit were supposed to be near the same age. Did Cyclops get held up for a few years in a time warp? Yes, I know those of you who never read the comics wouldn't know this, but lets be honest. The fans of comic books are what make these movies really good, because just like a Star Trek movie, its the core fans who will make or break a movie like this.
I started out wanting to really love this movie, but 5 minutes in (when Wolverine exuded bone claws as a child), I was lost forever as a fan. It went downhill from there, and even the halfway decent fight scenes couldn't bring me back. I think its probably a good time for a beer, because I'm so furious I could strangle a movie exec. Bastards!