A to Z Challenge 2013

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Unnamed Musing

Killing wasn’t enough anymore. The realization hit him as the knife dragged along the bone. It caught for a moment, forcing Louis to pull a bit harder until it was free. He needed to experience something new. Rapists were reviled in jail however; he’d heard they rarely survived these days. He wasn’t sure yet what new games he would play, but he had plenty of time to decide.

Louis wiped off the blade on her white towel, admiring the contrast for a moment. The tone of her skin was pale, like the towel. Her hair though, was a different shade of red than the blood. So many contrasts, so many similarities. He stood, absently putting the knife away as he adjusted the placement of her arm. She hadn’t been ready yet. He understood that feeling. It was her time however, and death had come calling.

Standing upright, he looked around the bedroom. The lamp shattered when she kicked out, a useless attempt at control. The frail thing had become a wildcat as she recognized the end in his eyes. He had actually been surprised. He could usually see the thoughts scrambling through their brains as they struggled to regain control. Each end was different however, and this time he had guessed wrong. Some women crumbled into a pile, their fear paralyzing even as the blade cut deep. Others became a caged animal, trying to bite and claw away from the abyss. This one had been caged fury, the fight almost fun as Louis finally subdued her.

He would have to start carrying rope. He could tie them up for a while, explore with his knife to follow alongside veins and tendons. Louis could enjoy watching their eyes as he worked, let them see the ecstasy they gave him before he provided a release. Nodding to himself, he checked around before climbing out to the fire escape. Another successful experience he would look back on with a smile. The recently oiled ladder made no sound as he lowered it. He swung his small frame down, dropping to the ground on soft rubber soles. He wondered how many detectives would be used in this investigation, thinking back over every possible mistake he might have made. No, there would be no knocks on his door later. Besides, Ortega and Williams were still leagues away from finding him. They were good, but he was an expert.

“You finished her too quickly.” Louis whirled around, his jaw sliding open as the man stepped from the shadows. His sweaty fingers fumbled for the knife as he backed away. “Oh don’t bother, Louis. I think we both know you’re not going to follow up this performance with an encore.”

“Who…are you??” The man towered over him, well over six feet tall. His long coal black hair was pulled back in a ponytail, it’s hue mirrored in his eyes. The smile on his face was a politician’s grin, right before they took away your house and taxed your coffin.

“Let’s not worry about inane details, Louis. I've got work for you to do.”


TereLiz said...

Oooh! Creepy! Overall, I like the character of Louis as an antihero, and how you so immediately give him a very clear personality.

Some pronoun confusion at the start with "her" towel, first mention the body is a she, which brought me out of the story for a second, but I understand you are not trying to individualize the victim here, and I think the comparison with the other victims is seamlessly interwoven with the rest.

Also the intro of the dark-haired character is perfect timing. I look forward to more of this story, if it's okay with your muse. ;)

(I can also email you a line edit and my other opinions, if you like.)


Christopher Goodwine said...

Dark and interesting, but if you plan on working with it, I would suggest changing Louis' name.

In Anne Rice's popular vampire novels, a main character is also named Louis, whose progenitor Lestat is reminiscent already of the man who shows up at the end of this tidbit. Veins, tendons, blood, a sensual regarding of the corpse all are similar to Rice's works, but the name Louis really brings one's mind to it. I wouldn't say anything, but it's just a potential distraction that could take a reader's head away from the story you want to get into... I'd like to read more!

Eric said...

Tere - Thank you, I was trying to create exactly that - an antihero. Glad it came through so nicely. I see what you're saying with the pronoun confusion there however. Sometimes I continue these ramblings, so perhaps I'll need to continue this later on.

Christopher - I have no attachment to the name, and I can see what you mean. As with most of my musings, they are completely off the cuff, rough draft at it's best, and I don't mind putting them out there in that condition. Having said that, don't hold back any issues you see in any of my musings. I really appreciate any insights people have. So thanks.